Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It's Friday. Sex?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
