did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
