A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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