Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
