its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
