i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You are the jesus of drinking
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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