What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
