i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
