Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
