Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
