I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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