Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just found puke in my bra..
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
