Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Boobs are out for the taking
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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