I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
