someone get that fucking seahorse.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
