my shit smells like andre
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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