Moan for me like Helen Keller
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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