In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
