I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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