never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
