I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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