My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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