even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
