If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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