do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
