the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
