Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
