Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
