I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
