I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
