I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
