If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
