we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
