Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
