I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We're too hungover to prance.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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