We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
