I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
