I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
