So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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