I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
