I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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