Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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