I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
