She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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