It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
