I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
