I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
