Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
