I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Is it because I queefed?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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