If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
